19 July - Tuesday
I am sitting next to Scottie after a nice visit with him. He is in and out of sleep.
20 July - Wednesday
Scott was awake again today. Yesterday, Dr.Goubauex did not try to be overly optimistic. He was being a doctor, sober and conservative. He said there is still infection in his lungs. They switched antibiotics, AGAIN. That instantly tied me up in a knot. For some reason, it's that much harder to get bad news after the good ones.
ICU stays are not that predictable. It's an emotional rollercoaster. One day, everything inside you is dying, the next day one hint of a Doctor's optimistic attitude sends you off feeling like celebrating. I could teach a lesson on Patience these days, because, boy, do I know a lot about this virtue? ICU is the best place to practice patience, but I certainly don't recommend it to anyone. It's no fun.
A day before Steven left, came my sister-in-law Jodi. I could hardly believe, that a mother of 4, who had never been outside the U.S., would find time and courage to come all the way to France to support Scott and me. She was a breath of fresh air. Her thousand-watt smile melted cold winter in my soul. I felt loved and strengthened.
I don't know how she did it but Jodi's attitude was amazing. I mean, bearing with me during my neurotic attacks, cоnstantly smiling at me. I hope she was not offended by my rare, forced, and insincere likeness of a smile. She tried so hard to be supportive, and many time I was glad to have her sunny face next to me. But there were also so many times when she asked me if I was OK, and I just wanted to yell at her that "I'M NOT OK!! OK?" Just let me be miserable!!! Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the attempts to take my mind off of my pain, but the truth is I want this pain to work its way through my system. I don't want to stop thinking about Scott. Jodi kept on trying, and I kept on pushing her away (without yelling, of course.) How horrible am I?! It's just that death by lovingkindness does not feel nice to me. What feels nice is to curl up in a corner and cry my eyeballs out.
That was on bad days. On good days we ate doner kebab and even went shopping for clothes! We walked our feet off in Nice, we have become pros of that place. We've figured out public transportation and could freely buy bus tickets in French. Every morning we would run outside to the street market and buy us some fresh peaches or melon for breakfast. There was a mandatory stop at the bakery on the first floor of our Happy House to get some Pain au Chocolat (pastries with ribbons of smooth chocolate inside) and croissants. I taught Jodi all I knew about nutella and croissants, she even let go of her healthy habits to give it a try. For lunch we sometimes walked in an Old Town, chewing mozzarella-tomato-basil sandwich in a foot long crispy baguette. Or I would buy my new favorite French Mediterranean dish, introduced by Karen Lafitte, - pissadiere. Pissadiere is made out of a few rather suspicious ingredients: caramelized onions and anchovies baked on top of a thin pizza crust. I never thought much of anchovies, but in this case they seem to be in the right place adding just enough saltiness. The end result is a perfectly delicious dish or snack, depending on the size you get. I definetely see more anchovies in my future now.
Some especially hot days we took bus 22 all the way down to the Promenade. Оn the way to the beach, we would buy a cup of chilled peaches and berries for 3 euros. Sitting on hot rocks fully dressed and surrounded by naked bodies, we rest our eyes on the turquoise Mediterranean, perspiring, and finding salvation in a fruit cup. It feels a tad bit like vacation: beautiful weather and scenery, no chores, children laughing playing in the waves, couples hugging.... Life is so beautiful and so unfair at the same time! I turn away, close my eyes and doze off into my neverland, where careless laughter belongs to my children.
The head doctor of the ICU told us that Scott is over his ARDS, that his numbers look great, that tomorrow the breathing tube will come out and that the only problem left now is a sinus infection. A sinus infection?! Seriously? We were laughing with Jodi and Karen at how Scott's deadly disease came down to a mere sinus infection. Can that be true?
Exactly one week after she arrived, Jodi flew back home. Her company was extremely necessary for my sanity and physical well-being. With her, I felt that life was getting back to normal minus occasional turbulent days. I am thankful for Jodi's time, love, and positive energy.
So, by then, Scott's general evolution showed considerable improvement and the docs were getting in touch with the medical personnel in Germany for the upcoming transfer.
When Karen picked Jodi up to take her to the airport, I was sure that I'd be soon coming home as well.
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