15 July – Friday
Yesterday seemed like a week ago. Or should I say, bad Monday dissolved as a scary dream in the light of a noonday sun. I felt earth under my feet again. They’ve detected and recognized the bacteria that caused Monday crisis and the targeted antibiotic was prescribed. The medicine worked, and within a couple of days his ventilated oxygen was lowered to 50%. I was told good news about Scott's liver and kidneys as well.
But before this improvement took place, I had a major breakdown. Аs if my emotions that have been carefully tucked in (at least, in public) have broken the dam inside my soul and were flowing endlessly. All day! So many things were thrown at me: Scott's critical condition, being away from my kids and my Mom, foreign country (no matter how pretty), Kathy’s and Steve’s upcoming departure, and most of all it was a pressing necessity to put myself together and be what Steve had been for me all these days: positive, smart and confident person, responsible grown up, virtuoso driver, who knows his way through French Riviera, intimidated neither by French language nor by miniature parking spots.
I would be selfish to think that I was the only one to hit the end of the rope. Мy mother-in-law, Kathy was done too. There happened, on occasion, bursts of enthusiasm (like when she offered to trade places with my Mom, so my Mom could come and stay with me.) But I saw her withering with every passing day and could not demand of her any more than she had already done for me. She needed her medication, her air-conditioned home, her daughters to refill her emotional tank, something I totally failed at, being a wounded bird myself.
I would also be a liar if I said that I had no resentment about Kathy's leaving. I really struggled to keep bitter feelings away. I reminded myself that she really was not doing well climbing many stairs of an ancient town in an 80 degree humid weather, or eating stale baguette while sitting on an uncomfortable metal chair waiting forever for worrisome news in a sad hospital corridor. She flew back home Thursday, July 14, and my Mom unpacked her suitcase and stayed where she was - in Germany with my kids, with no car, no language, no money, and now no sure connection with me, because Kathy's computer was the means of our skype communication. (Мy laptop went home to Germany with my Mom.)
Fortunately, right after Kathy left, Jodi, Scott's sister, arrived for a week. At this point of the story, we had to find a different place to stay, because the Lafittes did not have enough room since they had to fit their Australian relatives who came for a 2-week visit. Thankfully, Steven’s proactive approach landed us in a, so called, la Maison du Bonhеur (the Happy House) in the heart of Nice. It was basically a charity run establishment for people whose relatives are undergoing treatment in any Nice hospital. So, with the slip from the L’Archet-2 hospital we were able to rent a small room in a good size apartment with common kitchen and a living room for only 10 euros a day. It was a great deal compared to the hotel rooms at 150 euro and up per day. The people we met there were mostly French from other French towns or islands nearby. One lady was from Lyon, another one - from Corsica, there was a guy from Tunisia... Almost nobody spoke good English besides the manager lady, but everyone was very kind and generous with smiles and sincere Bon Jour's.
17 July - Sunday
Steven went back to the States the day before.
Day 21 in the ICU. 3 weeks sharp. I have not spoken to the doctor since Friday but he sounded very optimistic then, even though we left the hospital with Scottie on his right side, machine breathing for him 100%. The doctor said it was good for him so he does not make so much effort breathing on his side. The objective was to let his lungs drain mucus through his nose. His left lung needed that especially. The doc also said that the blood test numbers look promising, so the coming week might be our last leg of this incredibly strenuous marathon called "fight for life".
Right now, Scott is at 36% oxygen, breathing more and more on his own! That's as much as I can tell from looking at the machines. His temperature is still considered a low-grade fever, 38.4 Celsius at the moment. That makes me still pretty nervous.
They started waking him up and I can't wait for him to open his eyes. I am more careful this time. I am not turning on music or TV, not jumping around his bed throwing random questions at him only to see him blink or move his head. Just before I came in this morning, he had his "Sunday special" treatment (shampoo and shave) and he must be exhausted and needs his nap. I hope, we'll finally see each other tonight.
Gosh, I miss this guy like crazy! One thing I've learned through this experience is how much I LOVE my husband! How much he means to me! How precious our time on Earth is! How much better and more wonderful my life is because of him!
I yearn to hold him in embrace, to kiss every inch of his precious body, to nourish his soul with a smile, a compliment, and sincere interest. He is the Love of my life. And no matter how much kids require of us, we must make an effort to make time for each other. I am making a list of things to do together after all this is over: go out, find a hobby together, go on trips, go jogging, take a cruise, go to a concert, build a dream house, serve the mission, skydive, read books to each other, crash on the couch watching a movie... I read aloud my ideas to Scott. He does not seem to mind them. Just keep on breathing, sweetheart. I'll wait right here, holding your hand until you are ready to come back to me.
Yesterday seemed like a week ago. Or should I say, bad Monday dissolved as a scary dream in the light of a noonday sun. I felt earth under my feet again. They’ve detected and recognized the bacteria that caused Monday crisis and the targeted antibiotic was prescribed. The medicine worked, and within a couple of days his ventilated oxygen was lowered to 50%. I was told good news about Scott's liver and kidneys as well.
But before this improvement took place, I had a major breakdown. Аs if my emotions that have been carefully tucked in (at least, in public) have broken the dam inside my soul and were flowing endlessly. All day! So many things were thrown at me: Scott's critical condition, being away from my kids and my Mom, foreign country (no matter how pretty), Kathy’s and Steve’s upcoming departure, and most of all it was a pressing necessity to put myself together and be what Steve had been for me all these days: positive, smart and confident person, responsible grown up, virtuoso driver, who knows his way through French Riviera, intimidated neither by French language nor by miniature parking spots.
I would be selfish to think that I was the only one to hit the end of the rope. Мy mother-in-law, Kathy was done too. There happened, on occasion, bursts of enthusiasm (like when she offered to trade places with my Mom, so my Mom could come and stay with me.) But I saw her withering with every passing day and could not demand of her any more than she had already done for me. She needed her medication, her air-conditioned home, her daughters to refill her emotional tank, something I totally failed at, being a wounded bird myself.
I would also be a liar if I said that I had no resentment about Kathy's leaving. I really struggled to keep bitter feelings away. I reminded myself that she really was not doing well climbing many stairs of an ancient town in an 80 degree humid weather, or eating stale baguette while sitting on an uncomfortable metal chair waiting forever for worrisome news in a sad hospital corridor. She flew back home Thursday, July 14, and my Mom unpacked her suitcase and stayed where she was - in Germany with my kids, with no car, no language, no money, and now no sure connection with me, because Kathy's computer was the means of our skype communication. (Мy laptop went home to Germany with my Mom.)
Fortunately, right after Kathy left, Jodi, Scott's sister, arrived for a week. At this point of the story, we had to find a different place to stay, because the Lafittes did not have enough room since they had to fit their Australian relatives who came for a 2-week visit. Thankfully, Steven’s proactive approach landed us in a, so called, la Maison du Bonhеur (the Happy House) in the heart of Nice. It was basically a charity run establishment for people whose relatives are undergoing treatment in any Nice hospital. So, with the slip from the L’Archet-2 hospital we were able to rent a small room in a good size apartment with common kitchen and a living room for only 10 euros a day. It was a great deal compared to the hotel rooms at 150 euro and up per day. The people we met there were mostly French from other French towns or islands nearby. One lady was from Lyon, another one - from Corsica, there was a guy from Tunisia... Almost nobody spoke good English besides the manager lady, but everyone was very kind and generous with smiles and sincere Bon Jour's.
17 July - Sunday
Steven went back to the States the day before.
Day 21 in the ICU. 3 weeks sharp. I have not spoken to the doctor since Friday but he sounded very optimistic then, even though we left the hospital with Scottie on his right side, machine breathing for him 100%. The doctor said it was good for him so he does not make so much effort breathing on his side. The objective was to let his lungs drain mucus through his nose. His left lung needed that especially. The doc also said that the blood test numbers look promising, so the coming week might be our last leg of this incredibly strenuous marathon called "fight for life".
Right now, Scott is at 36% oxygen, breathing more and more on his own! That's as much as I can tell from looking at the machines. His temperature is still considered a low-grade fever, 38.4 Celsius at the moment. That makes me still pretty nervous.
They started waking him up and I can't wait for him to open his eyes. I am more careful this time. I am not turning on music or TV, not jumping around his bed throwing random questions at him only to see him blink or move his head. Just before I came in this morning, he had his "Sunday special" treatment (shampoo and shave) and he must be exhausted and needs his nap. I hope, we'll finally see each other tonight.
Gosh, I miss this guy like crazy! One thing I've learned through this experience is how much I LOVE my husband! How much he means to me! How precious our time on Earth is! How much better and more wonderful my life is because of him!
I yearn to hold him in embrace, to kiss every inch of his precious body, to nourish his soul with a smile, a compliment, and sincere interest. He is the Love of my life. And no matter how much kids require of us, we must make an effort to make time for each other. I am making a list of things to do together after all this is over: go out, find a hobby together, go on trips, go jogging, take a cruise, go to a concert, build a dream house, serve the mission, skydive, read books to each other, crash on the couch watching a movie... I read aloud my ideas to Scott. He does not seem to mind them. Just keep on breathing, sweetheart. I'll wait right here, holding your hand until you are ready to come back to me.
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